Exactly! Every time I get sad or want to cut myself, I think about Michael. I think about how he's had touch times, but came through it all, and how he wouldn't want me to be sad or cutting myself. What is it about Michael that keeps me from doing something that I'll regret later? Now and then, someone will make fun of Michael and I'll get so angry that I cut myself without even thinking about it, but then I get upset for doing it cuz I know I shouldn't. And, I don't cut myself with a razorblade on my wrists, by the way. I do it in a way that it doesn't bleed much, so it's not as bad, I guess. But, people still get upset when I do it cuz they say that it'll relocate to my wrists someday. I think that as long as I have Michael, I can survive.

And then, people ask me what I'd do if he died before me. I feel close to tears and ask them to stop talking. But, when they push, I say, "I don't know. Life wouldn't be worth living without Michael and the hope I have to meet him someday." They usually stop talking after that. Something about me saying that leaves them speechless, similar to how Michael leaves me speechless.